(no subject)

I just wanted to say that this morning, I was kissed awake so sweetly by a boy that I have a crush on. After that, I went to Plato's Closet, had an awesome run at the gym, and right now I am about to make stir fry and watch Fargo.

Pretty much, I am on cloud nine right now.
  • Current Mood
    ecstatic ecstatic

Actually, scratch that.

I have REASONABLE expectations, and just attract waffle-y asshats. It is not okay to make plans with me so that I go out of my way to make time for you, and freaking flake without so much as a phone call, AND THEN cancel on the plans that I was patiently willing to reschedule at the last second because you forgot you'd made other plans. Jackass.

I've been through this stupid scenario so many times with different people, it's ridic. I swear to god it's not that hard to do what you say you're going to do, when you say you're going to do it.

  • Current Mood
    irritated irritated

(no subject)

The flip side of having high standards is that people let you down all the goddamn time.

I need to re-learn to not have pre-set expectations for a situation...having no expectations kills any chance of disappointment.
  • Current Music
    lykke li- everybody but me

(no subject)

Hmm. It's been a long time since I've done a real honest-to-blog update, so here goes:

I finished school this semester with an 18 hour class load, and ended up with mostly As and Bs (a 3-point-something, I haven't rightly calculated it.) Next spring, I'll be a full-blown music therapy major with 8 or 9 classes. I'm excited, and really proud of myself for sticking through everything and making some definite progress in my college career, in a really great program.

I've changed so much since this time one year ago...more than anything, I'm far more comfortable in my own skin. I've made some really great friends at TWU (that are also, thankfully, genuinely good people) who have been really supportive and encouraging of me trying to find myself as a musician, and as a person.

School itself has been good for me, the music department is tiny so I've gotten to at least meet nearly everyone. I feel like the odd duck sometimes, as a lot of people at Texas Woman's were home schooled, attended private school, or just came from super-conservative backgrounds, BUT, on the flip side there's no football team and no party sororities which in my opinion changes the environment a LOT. It's kind of amazing to me how differently girls act towards each other when you remove men from the equation...there's a noticeable lack of cattiness and superficiality that comes through, and it's safe to say that attending school with 94% women has pretty much demolished any insecure self-consciousness issues I had. There's kind of a general vibe of "who cares?" that's really refreshing...I haven't seen one nasty orange spray tan, set of over-bleached teeth, triple processed head of hair, stilettos in 30 degree weather, full face of two hours worth of makeup in an 8am class, pair of uggs over leggings, et cetera, in months, and I'm beginning to relish that.

Sometimes I wish that the university was a little bigger and more diverse, but I'm making it my goal next semester to get out and about in denton more often and meet more people. UNT is just 5 minutes away, and it's safe to say I could use a little testosterone in my life now and then. :/ heh.

I'm probably going to be in school for another 3-3.5 years on my undergrad since switching to a music degree, followed by a year of internship, but I'm okay with that. I found something I want to do that makes a truly positive and substantial impact on the lives of others, that involves my biggest passion in life, and I couldn't be happier with that fact.

everything really is what you make it, and I want to watch my dreams continue to come true.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm

Spring 09 school schedule

-Aural Skills/Ear Training II
-Music Theory II
-Guitar I (Beginning guitar for music majors)
-US History from 1865-present
-Honors English Comp II
-Concert Choir
-Private voice
-Voice lab/studio class
-Music Skills for Therapy and Recreation

17 hours if I keep it this way, 14 if I drop the english class and wait for summer school to give me some relief...I can't believe so many music classes are only one credit hour a piece. :/ Eh, c'est la vie.
  • Current Mood

(no subject)

Damn my timing, I guess. I'm happy and healthy and ready for a relationship...and, oh...SURPRISE! Going to a woman's university!

Dry spell, thy name is gender separation.
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed


...I wish that I didn't care so much. There are times that I want so badly to say fuck it all and be absolutely shameless and thoughtless, and not think or worry about the consequences of my actions. Cut loose completely, do whatever comes to mind in a second without so much as a moment's consideration. Let the chips fall where they may. NOT be the one to pick up the pieces for once. Blatant spontaneity, who gives a shit what happens tomorrow...

I just want a taste.

I'm tired of being serious and responsible nearly 24/7. I am doing well in school and I deserve to enjoy my abundant free time for once in my life...it's strange, as much as I absolutely loathe ridiculous excess in anything and blatant hedonism, I want it at the same time, and I know I could never let it define my life like some people I've come in contact with throughout college so far. All my life I have been mature. Responsible. Look in every possible direction before I leap. Planned out. Forced into the parent role. Keeping an eye on everyone else. I'm tired and I'm restless, and irritated to death watching people my age act like immature selfish jackasses. But knowing that none of that is under my control, maybe what I really need is to learn what the big fucking deal is and experience it myself...just a little. I'm way too aware and in control of my own stuff now to let it get out of hand, so my timing is perfect.

Come on, let's go.
  • Current Mood
    restless restless

Onward ho

On to things much more positive, concise, and relevant:

So I've started hitting the gym a lot and cooking all of my meals at home. I gave up sodas and sugary teas along with this, started tracking my meals and voila- I've lost almost ten pounds since the end of june. :) I'm feeling really fantastic, physically. My energy levels are waaaaaaay up and I'm starting to see hints of my old figure already. Though I'm not unhappy with my size currently, I'd like to lose 15 or 20 more just to tone up and see where this could take me...really get into the best shape of my life, now that I'm over caffeine and processed, nasty foods. Hooray!

I go to orientation at my new university in two weeks. Mucho excitement.